brain dump 1

some thoughts

recently i read the four agreements, i highly recommend. finished the book in only a few days & what i learned from it is that:

the four agreements are:

1) be impeccable with your word

2) dont take things personally

3) dont make assumptions

4) always do your best

as of lately, ive been struggling mostly with 2&3, can’t explain why just yet but i know i feel it heavily most times.

i believe what the universe has been revealing to me is that maybe the places id previously try so hard to fit in are just not working for me anymore.

i was a triangle attempting to fit into a square slot.

old friends, old vices, old ways of thinking i carried with me up until this point were good for a time until i began to honor my own boundaries and take a hard look at who i am as a person.

i didn’t like what i saw. i’d been the kind of person seeking external validation, id been the person who got drunk and make terrible decisions and blame the alcohol. i was all of it.

does that make me a bad person? or questionable? to some sure.

as i continue my journey to love myself it feels i find myself starting over as i leave my 20’s, as the book says

“true justice is paying only once for each mistake, allowing for growth and forward movement. paying multiple times for the same mistake is needlessly suffering for nothing”

starting over, because no i do not wish to fulfill what others perception of me is. starting over, because yes i am worthy of love and most importantly from myself first. starting over, because no longer will i stand for the silent disrespect.

maybe it was never a matter of fitting in a slot, rather i outgrew the entire board.

thanks for reading lmao